March 15th, 2023
63
TIFU by taking “kill your babies” literally and losing a big directors interest
Really fucking upset rn. Had a chance encounter with an A-list director (who directed a certain Oscar nominee a few years back) and pitched him my script. I was super surprised because he was on what looked like a date and yet he stayed in the bathroom and listened to me describe the plot for like 15 minutes and was super engaged. When he asked for a page count, I told him a number that was about 20 pages more than he seemed to think appropriate, so he told me “kill your babies,” gave me his card, shook my hand, washed his hands, and was off.
I was unfamiliar with the phrase “kill your babies” and thought he meant that I should kill off the infant characters in my story (it’s a romcom) so I rewrote the entirety of my third act and featured a scene where the main characters twin babies drown in a lake. Then I sent it to him. His assistant wrote back today and said he was “no longer interested.”
I was really bummed out and was venting to my friend about it, who told me that “kill your babies” meant sacrificing my cherished parts of my script to reduce page count. I feel like a fucking idiot and I know I completely blew my chance. This could have been life changing.
March 15th, 2023
63
Comments:
Longlivebiggiepac
5
YeahWhiplash
4
[deleted]
3
wemustburncarthage
Hi there /u/LuciusDickusMaximus
Your submission has been removed for the following reason(s):
Rule 3: No socks, trolls, shitposting, spam or off-topic posts [CONDUCT]
Do not post on the subreddit via multiple accounts, especially to manipulate votes/comment count. No trolling or shitposting. Do not make off-topic (non-screenwriting related) posts. Do not spam.
potential ban offense
In the future, please read the rules in the sidebar and review our General FAQ or Screenwriting 101 FAQ before making a submission.
If you are completely new to r/Screenwriting, please Start Here
Have a nice day,
r/Screenwriting Moderator Team
If, after reading our rules, you believe this was in error please message the moderators
Please do not reach out to a moderator personally, and do not reply to this message as a comment.
Thank you!
1
Ilovetohatemovies
136
[deleted]
27
Joshawott27
Well hey, if this story is fake, you have a decent pitch for a black comedy.
I’ve always heard the expression as “kill your darlings”. I guess that’s to leave the door open for a Romeo & Juliet finale, instead of exclusively infanticide.
22
Mood_Such
23
Tunaxlux
7
Historical_Bar_4990
It's an alpha move
3
Skeletori_Amos
7
maxmouze
I've never heard of an A-list director letting a stranger pitch a movie for 15 minutes, while people are waiting for him, or having a business card. Why would an accomplished director need a business card? People reach out to him to attach himself to their scripts, based on past successes (directing a movie that made profit). Why would they have business cards on the ready so people can send unsolicited scripts? That's why they have representation.
This story is obviously a troll trying to get attention on Reddit but they clearly don't know how complicated film producing is.
16
PloopPlaap
I think that’s part of the joke sir
10
maxmouze
Nobody seems to treat this like it's a joke. Read the comments telling him "Don't beat yourself up" or "Write about it in your next screenplay." In reality, it sounds like someone who made up a fictional story with the punchline "I killed off infant characters when he said Kill Your Babies." He also doesn't know enough about producing to know it's unlikely he'd hear back from the assistant with feedback, that the director would have read it himself, or that they would love the script but be offended by one plot point and pass on the whole thing. In summary, people who don't work in film think you just show up in L.A. and you can convince anyone you find fitting to read your script. In reality, representatives are in place to keep people from even contacting them, from even considering unsolicited material. And directors are not going around giving out business cards, looking for scripts. They get bombarded with people pitching projects every time they're out. They instead wouldn't sit and hear a pitch session in a bathroom. This is not someone making it obvious he's joking; it's someone who doesn't know how things work.
1
mellowyellow-othello
3
GregSays
3
owen3820
3
irishnugget
8
[deleted]
2
AdManNick
2
atleastitsnotgoofy
1
wstdtmflms
OOOOOOOHHHHHH NOOOOOOOOO!!!
That suuuuuuuucks!!
But you do kinda gotta laugh a little. It'll be funnier in hindsight once you put some time and distance between you and this story.
1
Gooch_Rogers
Yooo LMAOOOO
Edit: I mean, that sucks for you but that’s kinda hilarious
1
ariesdrifter77
0
lituponfire
1
ConclusionMaleficent
1
UziMcUsername
1
bottom
I mean this is a brilliant short film.
I would write back and tell them you misunderstood what he meant. You have nothing to lose.
1
QuireIndivisible
1
mooncat131
1
DistinctExpression44
1
SatansFieryAsshole
100
[deleted]
I was told you can put those on your script
11
puttputtxreader
174
flyingguillotine3
Hollywood gatekeepers hate this one simple trick.
36
[deleted]
I don’t understand how anyone can misinterpret this.
11
[deleted]
Sounds like a small price to pay. It's easy to make more babies!
5
MilanesaDeChorizo
I learned the lesson a hard way, I didn't have children so I killed my pets. Nop, just human children are allowed.
1
[deleted]
41
[deleted]
All business happens in a restaurant bathroom.
15
NewPCBuilder2019
The A-list director in the story shakes OP's hand and THEN washes up. Legit story chance immediately jumps to 110%
29
Shuazilla
Source: That scene in Entourage when E sold Harvey "Not Weinstein" Weinstein on Vince and Medellin in an airport bathroom on their way to Sundance
6
filmpatico
I miss that show so much. Same episode as a James Cameron cameo too, I believe. "I just wanted to make teen girls cry." hahah
3
StillFigurin1tOut
62
OilCanBoyd426
I saw Steven Spielberg at a grocery store in Los Angeles yesterday. I told him how cool it was to meet him in person, and said I didn’t want to be a douche and bother to pitch my script or anything. He said, “Oh, like you’re doing now?” I was taken aback, and all I could say was “Huh?” but he kept cutting me off and going “huh? huh? huh?” and closing his hand shut in front of my face. I walked away and continued with my shopping, and I heard him chuckle as I walked off. When I came to pay for my stuff up front I saw him trying to walk out the doors with like fifteen bags of Reese’s Pieces in his hands without paying. The girl at the counter was very nice about it and professional, and was like “Sir, you need to pay for those first.” At first he kept pretending to be tired and not hear her, but eventually turned back around and brought them to the counter. When she took one of the bags and started scanning it multiple times, he stopped her and told her to scan them each individually “to prevent any electrical infetterence,” and then turned around and winked at me. I don’t even think that’s a word. After she scanned each bag of Reece’s and put them in a paper bag and started to say the price, he kept interrupting her by yawning really loudly.
34
EmbracingHoffman
This same thing happened to my buddy Eric
9
Phe4-_-4onix
Is this is a real story?
0
ClusterChuk
Sounds like him.
1
timstantonx
Crazy. Same exact thing happened to me but it was the yellow M&M and he was trying to walk out with skittles, it blew my mind! He said I could re-write the classic "They do exist!" "Santa?" commercial.
1
[deleted]
6
MilanesaDeChorizo
Indirect handjob.
1
[deleted]
4
Oooooooooot
What the fuck else am I supposed to talk about at a urinal? Next you'll say I should avoid eye contact.
3
[deleted]
[deleted]
1
Oooooooooot
You're missing out on some shitty conversations.
2
mooningyou
3
MilanesaDeChorizo
The post story? Not the absolutely ridiculous story?
2
mooningyou
Based on his post history, he's currently attending private school, and he's also been working as a bartender for the past seven years, and he's also 35 years-old with a kid, and he never went to college, and he's also in the process of launching his own legal firm. Basically, attention seeking.
1
MilanesaDeChorizo
Yeah, I understood your point. But it was obvious it was troll post without reading his post history.
1
tussyville
3
[deleted]
[removed]
1
tussyville
this is the best thing you've ever written. if only it were done ironically.
Sad-Rule-1479
Ooh, you're hard.
0
Historical_Bar_4990
I understand you're frustrated and disappointed, so please don't take this the wrong way, but I have a feeling you'll look back on this one day and laugh. And you'll be doing it from an office at Warner Bros with the executives that just bought your latest screenplay.
You can still feel excited and proud of your script. Sounds like you must have a great idea to have hooked this guy in a freakin' bathroom for chrissakes. You may still have a very marketable concept, so get out there and meet more writers/directors and pitch it to them too!
You can always email this guy and explain to him what you just told us. He may actually get a kick out of it and read the version that doesn't include the baby murder :)
0
maxmouze
The person just trolls subreddits for attention. No director is letting a stranger pitch a movie for 15 minutes while their party is waiting for them nor do they have business cards for randos to send unsolicited scripts. And if his script was great except for one scene, they'd just have them rewrite one scene.
1
Historical_Bar_4990
Yeah, I realized that the second I started reading comments, lol. I'm gullible as hell.
1
maxmouze
You weren't the only one.
1