May 31st, 2023
5,354
TIFU by telling a Slavic tourist “we don’t allow your kind in here”
I work at a cafe that has BYOB (bring your own beans) Wednesdays— as implied, the premise is that customers bring a bag of coffee beans, and for $1 we grind them for you and use our professional industrial equipment to make your preferred version of your coffee fix. It’s a fun community thing, 50% of Proceeds go to charity, yadda yadda yadda.
At the beginning of the year, two really awesome students at the local high school turned their successful business project from the previous semester—a shop that sourced and sold locally grown coffee beans—into a real business, and it really took off in the neighborhood. The main grocer (independent, not a chain) now carries their beans as do some other shops around town. And to be clear, their success is well-deserved: the coffee is freaking delish and the boys that started the company both come from really impoverished backgrounds, so you really want to root for them.
However, there is a slight problem. The boys sell two kinds of beans, a light roast and a dark roast. The dark roast is called MyKind and the light roast is called YourKind. There’s some cute story about why those are the names, but to be honest I’ve forgotten it. Point is, both are great as I’ve said, but something about the light roast beans are not good for our equipment at the cafe. They tend to clog the machines even after being grinded to a fine powder. For some reason, the dark roast beans do not have the same problem.
So about two months ago we had to ban YourKind beans on BYOB Wednesdays. While it sucks because we’re all for further supporting the local community, there was no other option. Plus, we communicated the policy change to the students and they fully understood.
Now we get to the fuck up. The bag for YourKind Coffee has a very distinctive design: a striped tricolor pattern of red, blue, and white. Well today, a man and his daughter walked in with a bag of YourKind beans and got into the line, which was very long at the time. Since he was carrying “banned beans,” I thought I’d save the man some time, and as soon as he got in line I said “Sir, just so you know, we don’t allow YourKind in here.” At first he just looked at me pretty confused and exchanged whispers with his daughter, who explained to him what I had said.
A look of rage flashed on his face. He evaded the line and stormed up to me right at the counter and asked, in a heavy accent: “You not allow my kind?” I had not realized what it had sounded like, and so I responded:
“No, MyKind is okay, YourKind is not.”
He got super close to me and spat out a really harsh “You motherfucker,” and then he marched out of the store with his daughter while cursing in some foreign language. While he was walking away, I noticed he wasn’t holding a bag of beans at all. It was a flag. According to my later google search, it was a Serbian flag.
It hit me pretty much as soon as he slammed the door behind him that I had inadvertently refused service and had been very racist to a foreigner .
I ran into the backroom to cry and my coworkers and manager had to console me and tell me it was an honest mistake. My manager sent me home early to get some rest but I’ve just been pacing around. I can’t get it out of my head. The man was so happy when he entered the cafe—he was whistling—and probably just wanted to show his daughter an American experience. And I ruined it.
TL;DR I accidentally made it sound like Serbians were not allowed in our cafe and ruined a tourist’s day
May 31st, 2023
5,354
Comments:
myguitarplaysit
2
jesusthroughmary
4,894
TheFlyingSheeps
I mean OP wanted to show them the proper American experience and they delivered it: disdain for foreigners
1,263
[deleted]
If the OP lives in the Midwest or NYC - the proper American experience has been successful. If the OP lives in the South though, oh my sweet summer child . . .
192
[deleted]
Oh my sweet summer sausage
27
Thefarrquad
Its true, those plantations really welcomed the foreigners with open manacles!
34
Vilnius_Nastavnik
Come because you were forced to, stay because... you're forced to.
12
GoBuffaloes
Whoa there! You are making us Americans look bad. It's important to note that we are equally disdainful of our fellow citizens as well.
21
nombresinhombre
So you did nothing wrong, you fulfilled that what we are thinking outside the us :-)
analnapalm
I'm not OP and even I woke up in the middle of the night thinking about it.
18
Tobar_the_Gypsy
Oh! That’s some guy’s Slavic flag!
18
FitNegotiation15811
" The man was so happy when he entered the cafe—he was whistling—and probably just wanted to show his daughter an American experience. And I ruined it. "
He did show the man the American experience, a experience of racists kicking out the foreigner just because he look different.
Lmao maybe the guy should also throw in burning a cross while hes at it!
9
dogchowtoastedcheese
Madonn', indeed!
3
Nomer77
1,585
Savira88
On top of the language barrier! At least I assume there's a barrier, you mentioned his daughter had to explain what she thought you meant. .. I'd be devastated!
342
moovzlikejager
No barrier! He knows "motherfucker!".... what's more to know!?
128
sigmund14
Curse words are usually the first ones we learn when learning foreign languages. But also, you can know the curse words without knowing the language at all. At least with Slavic languages.
In the Balkans, everyone from Slovenes to North Macedonians know Croatian / Serbian curse words, even if we don't speak the language.
Similarly also with the Slavic nations in the Eastern Europe, where I think Polish curse words are the thing.
42
linerva
In the Balkans, everyone from Slovenes to North Macedonians know Croatian / Serbian curse words, even if we don't speak the language.
To be fair, anyone over 40 probably learned Serbian/Croatian at school. I know most people of the older generations did!
But I agree. I only really know one word in Polish, and it's a swear word. We have it in my tongue, but it means a different curse word XD
3
FitmoGamingMC
It's not limited to region! In the balkans we also know eastern and western slavic curse words
2
yersinia_p3st1s
Daughter is like "core memory formed"
31
bookworm1421
This is her villain origin story. 😂
15
ATMisboss
Also people from the Balkans are notoriously used to hearing remarks like this sadly
104
UnrepentantDrunkard
For good reason, we suck.
Damn Croats, they ruined Croatia.
45
NoYgrittesOlly
Well Serbians in particular were responsible for a genocide so
CalamackW
So were the Croats, it's just crimes all the way down in the Balkans. Nobody should be treated with racism for the crimes of their ethnic ancestors.
11
I_love_pillows
Should display sample of 2 bags with the words on the counter.
59
CraftistOf
poster:
yourkind bag bad, with bad in red
mykind bag good, with good in green
35
Klassified94
Even that could look like a very bad joke to people who don't know the brand. Honestly I think the names are really not ideal haha.
Edit: thankfully it's probably fiction anyway.
4
An0therCasualty
nOthInG iS rEAl on ThE inTerNET
2
SSNs4evr
I worked with another sailor years ago, who was really disgruntled over standing a security watch one Sunday. There was a Japanese tour group on their way to see the USS Arizona memorial. One old man walked up for directions, and asked, "Excuse me. Where may we find the USS Arizona?" The sailor replied, "Right about where your father left it." After I just about crapped myself, I called for someone to relieve that guy.
A watch relief was sent for both of us. He got is ass handed to him. I caught up to the group, and apologized for what was said.
754
PingEVE
I found it really interesting how much they cater for Japanese tourists at Pearl Harbor.
236
Lu12k3r
Hawaii had a lot of Japanese on the island before Pearl Harbor, about 1/3 of the population was Japanese.
229
kenber808
Hawaii used to specifically target "whale" (rich) tourists and the best market was the japanese. We had lessons on this for a few weeks in Hawaiian history in hs maybe longer been to long. The idea was that the japanese were high limit spenders and to focus on only whale tourists. Hawaii also has a huge japanese population and was the only us territory during ww2 that didn't send the majority of japanese American citizens to internment camps as the governor clearly stated that our economy would fail if they did. Fun fact Hawaii has a insane amount of asians, my hs was nicknames Filipino high and the rival hs was Japanese high due to the large amount of Filipinos and Japanese. Our two class foreign language options in hs were Spanish and japanese
Edit internment camps not concentration lmao
76
PhilinLe
No no, you were right the first time. If you look it up, concentration camp: "a place where large numbers of people, especially political prisoners or members of persecuted minorities, are deliberately imprisoned in a relatively small area with inadequate facilities, sometimes to provide forced labor or to await mass execution. The term is most strongly associated with the several hundred camps established by the Nazis in Germany and occupied Europe in 1933–45, among the most infamous being Dachau, Belsen, and Auschwitz."
Merriam-Webster and Brittanica have similar definitions to the Oxford one provided.
The convention we (as in the US) have of calling the American concentration camps 'internment camps' is to distance America from Nazi Germany, who stole a bunch of our ideas about racial superiority and eugenics and made the whole ordeal too difficult to speak of in polite company. But they were concentration camps, and I'm not particularly concerned with being polite about it.
46
The_Power_Of_Three
I mean, on the face of it, "concentration" is less damning (and less honest) than "internment". They were internment camps; the populations were not simply benignly "concentrated", they were imprisoned, and internment is the more honest term about that. The only reason it sounds like the 'better' option to modern ears is that the euphemism was the term used for the German death camps, and so became associated with them. So the honest description of internment camps sounds better than the "more polite" term "concentration camps" we all now know best as a euphemism for death camps.
15
PhilinLe
The connotation here is more important than the denotation.
18
iotashan
That's not a FU on his part, that's straight up racism.
2
[deleted]
717
awry_lynx
I doubt they're real if that helps. I'd expect to be able to find at least one local news article about rags-to-success high schooler coffee roasters with such distinct bean names but nope
606
other_usernames_gone
Looking at their account it's a "Pakistani commune account", it's essentially a public burner account.
Given anyone who knew OP would instantly work out it was them from the story alone I think this is definitely a made up story.
Unless of course OP can provide us a link to an article about the coffee beans, or their website. Even just a location would be useful.
310
Domilater
Yeah this is too convenient to be real. I really doubt anyone would name coffee beans that and the follow up sentence OP wrote of “MyKind is ok, YourKind is not” makes this sound more like a racist comedy skit than an actual event that happened.
74
zombienugget
Somewhere where you can grow coffee beans
26
zombienugget
Yeah I googled and found zip. Fun story though
259
FFXIVpazudora
I also googled, the other weird part to me was the $1 for a coffee? Like...you'd have to clean out the machine after each run, and the shop's only making 50 cents since half goes to charity? That's a lot of effort there.
107
___mads
Yeah, as a coffee industry worker this seems made up to me. Most cafes have exclusive contracts with their suppliers, and brewing a broad variety of coffees with limited experience can have very mixed results as far as quality…..
63
FFXIVpazudora
It sounds like a bad idea, to take in random beans into your equipment. What if they're stale/bad? It'll get mixed into other people's batches?
27
___mads
Not only this, but also a coffee grinder is food prep equipment and it’s a violation of safety standards where I live to take food off the street and prepare it using your equipment. It’s no different than if you let a customer bring a raw steak in for you to prepare in the eyes of the Health Department.
7
warm_sweater
And how fucking slow the line would get. You’re going to grind a bag of beans and then make a drink with them, for everyone who comes in? Nah.
27
[deleted]
[removed]
92
lilmiller7
Yeah this was such an obvious creative writing project. They started with the punchline of accidentally discriminating against someone of an ethnicity that receives discrimination and worked backwards how that would happen innocently.
185
mechmind
You're right. Also, Serbs don't whistle.
68
Easy-Concentrate2636
Also, what tourist goes around carrying a flag?
122
lostcosmonaut307
Tourists in TV shows 🤣
55
Jaalan
Especially flags that could be mistaken as a bag of beans
16
GrandDukeOfNowhere
Also, so many other Slavic countries have similar flags to Serbia it seems unlikely that after only briefly seeing it then googling it later you'd be able to definitively say which one it was.
22
Xirenec_
so many other Slavic countries have similar flags to Serbia
All of them go in different direction, only Serbia has red on top.
2
stusthrowaway
OP missed a trick by not having it be a pride flag. More believeable, appropriate since it's June, and stirs up more reactions.
9
rfc2549-withQOS
There is serbian bean soup. They do whistle.
1
Trick-Landscape5581
Not to mention that if it had happened, I'm sure there would've been much more backlash instead of everyone saying oh my gosh you poor thing you didn't mean it.
20
SorcererWithGuns
I think we need a separate sub for fictional tifus that are still really good tifus
19
fullup72
At this rate we just need a new sub for the real tifus.
13
wolfgeist
"Haha wouldn't it be funny if there was some kind of product called "Your Kind" and I said "we don't serve your kind here"
8
razor787
I'm surprised I had to scroll so far to see someone calling this the obvious lie it is.
41
lurkerfox
Normally they can hide behind the excuse of names changed and what not, but like the incident only works if MyKind and YourKind are the real names of the beans.
But they just dont exist cause the names are so stupid even OP in the creative writing exercise couldnt think of an explanation to give.
32
elalejoveloz
There's uhmm a totally cool and believable reason to name them that way, but can't remember now, the reason went to a farm upstate to live in a big field with lots of room to run free
4
mechmind
I really hope you're correct. It did seem very unbelievable.
15
horshack_test
There's even a twist on the "then everybody clapped" thing at the end with everybody consoling OP.
3
you-are-not-yourself
Yeah this is right up there with the story of Shut Up, Stupid, and Trouble
2
pravis
Sounds more like a made-up story.
45
Mindshear_
They were thinking of a way forge a semi-plausible accidental racism story.
33
Tobar_the_Gypsy
It is, but the real fuckup is that the guy didn’t even have any beans.
4
GlowQueen140
I know this is most likely not a true story, but I still laughed out loud in the nail salon and the lady doing my nails stared at me puzzled
4
random8002
u/Environmental_Try539 said the exact same thing. this entire post and some of the comments seem very contrived and deliberate. is anything real anymore?
2
Thetwistedfalse
98
kw9999
404
throwawayforyouzzz
UnilateralWithdrawal
First time I’ve heard an offensively ethnic “who’s on first” routine
9
SupVFace
I don’t even care. It was a good read.
12
Lukthar123
A classic
4
hlamaresq
Love it though
3
Proof-Elevator-7590
So? It's still a funny read
1
dopaminechaser9
66
johnjohn2214
42
GeneralWeebeloZapp
40
Shdwzor
Dreamland, US
2
MapleA
2
Few_Wishbone
Notice: this is a Pakistani Commune Account (PCA). Hundreds of users use this account as a burner.
FOH
2
FourthWorldProblem
Oh man. This would haunt me until the end of time. It can't be undone, but you can learn to live with it. The trick is to not let the incident define you. Think of it as a single mistake. You are not a bad person. It really is just a blip in the timeline that feels like a mountain now, but will diminish in time. You'll always remember the moment, but putting it in context with the rest of your life will help you to not let it consume you.
I'm sure we have all accidentally said the wrong thing with terrible consequences at some point. I know I have. That mortifying moment when you realise the impact of what you have said is indescribable. I feel your pain. Be strong. You are not a bad person.
54
dope_as_the_pope
60
guitarfan28
30
[deleted]
20
MindForeverWandering
15
[deleted]
17
ExpertAccident
15
ConceptShoddy3598
38
prometheus_winced
29
[deleted]
12
NostradaMart
46
missymaypen
10
whiteclawthreshermaw
Yes.
3
SerbTheRipper
7
kaka8miranda
6
civodar
Fr I’ve seen fights pop off for a lot less, Serbs don’t fuck around
2
TheLurkingMenace
5
DryApplejohn
4
Cryptocaned
5
chuchofreeman
" I ran into the backroom to cry and my coworkers and manager had to console me and tell me it was an honest mistake. "
Lol
3
NomadicSoul88
Like, why wouldn’t you run after the guy, explain the mix up and offer him some free coffee? Cause that doesn’t have a punchline…
4
Life_Ad21
5
SpookyWah
5
DaveJC_thevoices
3
SpiderHam24
Well...you DID show them an American experience.
kindof
3
b4lu
3
CtrlAltEvil
probably just wanted to show his daughter an American experience. And I ruined it.
No... It was probably a pretty authentic experience depending on which state you live in.
3
SpacePirateFromEarth
3
Wild-Painting9353
6
XoCherryCrush
3
hosiki
12
FillThisEmptyCup
Have you seen xenomorphs?!
2
cat5stevens
2
YungCash204
2
iPoopLegos
2
tom333444
2
Pitselah
2
[deleted]
2
Ligeia_E
2
Noobface_
2
fireball9339
2
Cattleist
2
pitchblackfro
2
mechmind
2
Diligent-Cost-4790
1
Pain4444
1
Scoobz1961
How is such pitiful level of reading comprehension even possible?
6
notsowise92
1
[deleted]
0
spicydropout
1
[deleted]
1
jesusthroughmary
Kapope
Why’d you run into backroom to cry? If that was an option you could have ran after the guy to tell him you fucked up. Could have turned a terrible situation into a laugh. That guy left in a rage because of an honest mistake but you really didn’t do anything to fix the fuckup after it happened.
Id call this a double fuckup.
But shit happens! Maybe you’ll get a chance to clear it up, hopefully it doesn’t bother him for too long.
1
zZDKVZz
2,215
ttrsphil
Only 30 years?
234
StereoBucket
Ikr? In this economy? 25 tops.
41
fullup72
Are we deflating now?
2
StereoBucket
Just life expectancy. Yep.
6
[deleted]
30 years? Nah, this is that last thing you think about on your death bed
188
whatsupskip
This is the stuff you'll remember when the alzheimers has turned your brain to mush and you're calling your grandson by your husbands name, telling him how you went full Nazi on some poor imigrant.
69
stuckpixel87
94
OhScheisse
Seriously, it sounds like a silly SNL/MadTV sketch.
This reminds me of the iRack MadTV sketch
35
[deleted]
One of my favorite MadTV sketches!
5
stusthrowaway
Reminds my of Who's on First
3
civodar
As a Serb- I’m surprised OP didn’t get punched in the face
7
[deleted]
249
DubiousTomato
Yeah, sounds highly tailored. "MyKind" and "YourKind..." a story behind the names memorable enough to be called cute, but not enough to actually recall to provide context. Too much lining up for the perfect storm of misunderstanding.
155
Proseedcake
My favourite bit is "he was holding a Serbian flag". Just one of those super normal days where you walk around holding a flag of your country
94
g1bber
And someone would confuse a flag with a bag of coffee…
35
zugtug
TBH even knowing the Serbian flag...
3
AnemoneOfMyEnemy
This reads exactly like one of those long winded greentexts that sets up to a punchline.
74
AnyAmphibianWillDo
Don't stop, be Lee, Ving! Hold on to that fee, Ling.
23
Loud-Value
Better Nate than lever
2
RolfWiggum
Yeah, seems like a bad joke set up.
Also the premise is unlikely. Having a “bring your own beans” day is not something I see a coffee shop doing. You have to dial in coffee machines for every type of bean, so doing that every time is impossible. I also don’t see light roast beans breaking anything.
Calling BS.
45
CommunicationNo2297
I like that the guy just happened to be walking into random coffee shops whistling, waving a Serbian flag - as you do
22
Hushwater
3
[deleted]
Like a 3rd period English creative writing project in Mrs. Comb's class at McKinley Jr. High in Sarasota, FL ...
DISCLAIMER: don't bother looking that up, I literally made that up while I was writing it.
2
[deleted]
169
[deleted]
[removed]
65
SlimSwaggy
it's actually hilarious how people from the Balkans get along in foreign countries, despite all of the beef from past wars, they'll just be happy to speak with someone in their native language drink some booze or coffee, share some national dishes, it's surreal what happens when they forget about propaganda for a few months
11
charmcitycuddles
I dunno how true this is, but when I was in Bosnia someone mentioned to me that Bosnian, Croatian and Serbian are all essentially the same language and it’s really just the accent and a healthy dose of nationalism that differentiates them. They mentioned that learning one as a westerner is like learning all 3 since the western accent would be different enough that someone from each ethnicity would just assume you pronounced something wrong.
10
HurricaneCarti
There are more distinct differences than just accent, but they’re more akin to regional dialects than actual entire languages.
My mom jokes that she can put more languages spoken on her resume because she knows Bosnian, Croatian, and Serbian and most people wouldn’t realize they’re all essentially the same
5
[deleted]
Cant forget the lovely people of kosovo( well lovely depending on your view)
26
Venboven
True. But they're essentially just a different variety of Albanian.
13
____purple
Depending on your view
7
whiterose2511
11
MesaCityRansom
Come on man, at least try to make it believable. First of all, there is NOTHING about this coffee on the internet anywhere. No newspapers articles, no Facebook page, nothing. Second, this reads exactly like you backwards engineered it from a "wouldn't it be funny"-idea down to the last detail. The coffee packaging just HAPPENED to be the exact same colors as the Serbian flag and the customer just HAPPENED to be carrying a flag signaling his nationality. I, as a Swede, make sure to always carry a Swedish flag when I'm out and about so everyone can see where I'm from.
If this was posted to a joke sub (where it belongs), it would be one of those stupid extremely long pun-setup jokes.
11
El-Arairah
Exactly my thoughts
3
WhyBuyMe
35
justadiode
There were no guns involved tho
7
PissedBadger
It wasn’t in a school.
6
DucksButt
What kind of equipment cares if it's a dark or light roast?
I spent decades in the specialty coffee industry and have never heard of such a thing.
15
lunapup1233007
Apparently the kind of equipment in the fictional universe in which this story takes place cares.
20
t-h-r-o-w_a
my best guess is that because light roasts have a higher moisture content they have less static buildup and therefore less grounds are left in the chamber (tho that would mean the dark roast is problematic lmfao)
but that’s a stretch. the real weird part is the coffee shop making mediocre non-dialed in coffee at only $0.50 operating cost.
2
DucksButt
I'm assuming it's pourover or something. You'd use up too many beans finding the right grind for espresso. I just don't see how they would need to grind so fine that the pourover would get clogged.
2
Ashamed-Relation2547
7
[deleted]
With a strong Serbian accent and a daughter conveniently there to interpret, too.
All while doing the lord's work grinding means for next to nothing.
He probably came to ask the way to America just to get the deal on having his beans ground.
... and now, thanks to this woman doubling down on incredible word play, he'll go without. Not the kind that pops into your head during 11th grade 3rd period English; and inspired some real classy and what OPs mom calls excellent creative writing, but real, honest to Gob word play ... in real life. Word play coffee that is so exclusive you can't even find any mention of it on the internet. It's shameful really, that that serbian man has to grind his own mythical coffee beans.
4
8mon
10
lilmiller7
I mean who among us hasn't carried their native country's flag with them to the cafe when on vacation in another country
39
JimmyRedd
I always bring my American flag tablecloth when dining abroad
2
BrrrManBM
2
Pasma_05
desi se
2
WallSignificant5930
4
marnas86
4
civodar
Americans and Serbians are natural enemies. Like Kosovars and Serbs! Or Bosnians and Serbs! Or Croatians and Serbs! Or Serbs and other Serbs! Damn Serbs! They ruined Serbia!
8
zionistic
2