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LuciusDickusMaximus Archive

August 9th, 2023

105

/r/Wellthatsucks

3 years ago

Failed at fixing my doomed relationship with $300 worth of cheeses

My boyfriend recently turned his foot into essentially bone dust with a cast iron pan at a dinner party, an accident which he blamed me for because I told him we need to oil the handle before we put the silicone gripper on it. He’s been a shell of a man ever since and very angry at me. I tried making him an expensive charcuterie board and when I brought it to him on the couch he threw it across the room. I got mad and called him a “stumpy bitch” and he’s not talking to me now. At least he’s already sleeping on the couch 🤷‍♀️

August 9th, 2023

105

Comments:

[deleted]

3 years ago

Sounds like he needs to be an ex boyfriend. Jesus Christ, what a man child.

He threw it across the room.

InstantGrievous

3 years ago

If cheese can't fix a relationship nothing can

1

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3 years ago

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1

Dazzling_Ad5338

3 years ago

Only way that's $300 worth of cheese, is if you let them keep $290 change.

125

[deleted]

3 years ago

Is this a bot post? Now they lying about CHEESES???

98

No-Engineering-1449

3 years ago

This you?

https://preview.redd.it/rycltyfb70hb1.png?width=323&format=png&auto=webp&s=7e12492e7ee5797d32e819b454401a7fd73e8bf0

49

Hotlikessauce69

3 years ago

Didn't happen lol. Your account is full of nonsense and you just being weird.

34

giorgio-de-chirico

3 years ago

And a 4$ bottle of wine. My style

13

[deleted]

3 years ago

You mean 30?

23

JasminRR

3 years ago

That’s not $300 worth of cheese. You can get that for $15 at Ralph’s. Plus, if I lost my foot by a freak accident and you called me a “stumpy bitch” because I was still processing my grief, that would be the last thing you’d ever call again me. You seem like a cold-hearted bitch to me.

37

R2unithasabadmotiv8r

3 years ago

Lie detector determined that was a lie.

6

[deleted]

3 years ago

2

Unhappy-Historian348

3 years ago

I'm confused by the part where you say you're girl but your reddit handle is Luciusdickusmaximus. Also weird to say that's 300 dollars of cheese when it clearly is not

16

invizibliss

3 years ago

thats 20.00 at best.

you lose.

5

UnprofessionalGhosts

3 years ago

That food looks low grade af, you liar

5

jibclash

3 years ago

Even if that amount of cheese were the most expensive from my local Hy Vee, I’m seeing like $30 tops. Looks more like deli cheese. I’m guessing $10 tops for the cheese.

4

GooseNYC

3 years ago

Fake.

A bunch of pre-sliced supermarket cheese, a bag of pepperoni and a $4 bottle of Aldi house brand wine.

3

Doozer1970

3 years ago

I would have eaten the cheese and meat first, and then thrown the empty board. Even if I'm pissed off, I'm not wasting that food.

5

MasterWhite1150

3 years ago

$300 😭😭😭

6

sigmmakappa

3 years ago

It's a $2.95 wine from Aldi

2

la_winky

3 years ago

I once bought an aged cheddar that was $40/lb (it was good, but not $40/lb good. This is not that. There isn’t even a pound of cheese on that board. 🙄

2

ChocolateTaste69

3 years ago

$300 my ass. That MIGHT have cost $17 at most from Wal-Mart.

2

[deleted]

3 years ago

$300 whereee. I used to work in the cheese department of my hometown grocery store (Wisconsin things lol). You have nothing even close to that here

2

Apertor

3 years ago

Well with strawberries like that it's no wonder.

2

slightlyassholic

3 years ago

He's being completely unreasonable.

You made him Lunchables. What else could he want? /s

2

I_aint_no_Spooby

3 years ago

Lol good one

2

Lovely_Louise

3 years ago

Yeah you 100% got ripped off

2

Competitive-Address5

3 years ago

Bj > cheap ass cheese

2

coolbeansdano

3 years ago

I think you accidentally added an extra 0 to the cheese price, I get my sample tray at BJ's. You should have smacked his bum crybaby leg with the charcuterie board for messing up such a beautiful spread.

0

TwoRich4You

3 years ago

How cheesy can you be?

1

N0N0TA1

3 years ago

Looks good. I would have appreciated the gesture.

marcuse11

3 years ago

I like cheese?

0

MrPanda663

3 years ago

In what world is that $300. Go sort your relationship out and talk it out like adults. I think the wine is a good touch though.

0

doolapulada

3 years ago

Fuckin idiot never heard of steel toes? I wouldn't hire him.

0

SkullzNSmileZ

3 years ago

Bait post.

0

missshirls

3 years ago

This is a $9.00 cheese board give me a break

0

PumkimEscobar

3 years ago

Glock Glock 9000 time. All will be forgiven. Trust.

[deleted]

3 years ago

You’re some old cheap

1

tonytonyrigatony

3 years ago

Looking at your post history, I've gathered that you're either an idiot, a liar, or both. I'm going to go with both.

$300 cheese platter my ass.

1

ifdisdendat

3 years ago

LMAO 300$. More like 10.

1

summerlad86

3 years ago

Hahaha. Wtf is this?

1

slambroet

3 years ago

Everything seems to go wrong for this poster based on random pictures, I got told by a wise old man, either you have good luck or you’re making bad decisions, or you’re farming for Karma

1

ganzhimself

3 years ago

This is like $12 dollars worth of groceries from Aldi, including the wine. I too am a connoisseur of Aldi cured meats, cheese, and fine wines.

1

Evening_Monk_2689

3 years ago

No bri? You didn't Even twist the meat into the little roses. This board is sad AF ide leave you too.

1

Bluebuddyman

3 years ago

Well just heat up those corn tortillas and get your quesadilla on!!!🧀

1

RumbleStripRescue

3 years ago

Claims Aldi cheese, Aldi wine, and triscuits costs $300... okay. You should take the couch.

1

[deleted]

3 years ago

What, is there $290 hidden under that cheese?

1

steelersfan999

3 years ago

You should pick it all up off the floor and serve it to him again in the cast iron pan.

1

rb1242

3 years ago

Everybody talking about the cheese, im mad about the fact you told him to put oil on the handle

1

bustacones

3 years ago

The most I'll spend on cheese is getting the presliced Cracker Barrel when it's not on sale. $300? You're out of your mind.

1

camm44

3 years ago

Anyone notice all these lie/bot? Posts that have been popping up a lot recently

1

Catch-the-Rabbit

3 years ago

Girl that cheese better give eternal youth bc we all know that basic maybe $30 precut basic selection isn't it.

1

Grim-Reality

3 years ago

The lies. The lies…

1

esmelusina

3 years ago

Honey, find you a girl where that works. I would totally be fixed by a steady drip of fine cheese.

1

TheDevilsAdvokaat

3 years ago

Nobody has as many friends as the man with many cheeses.

1

[deleted]

3 years ago

Ragebait account. Don't feed it.

1

TheHypedType

3 years ago

BLOCKED

1

Kr101010

3 years ago

Wait, what?

1

142737

3 years ago

The most expensive thing there is the wine and that's not as expensive as you make the cheeses out to be

1

Lanerpaner

3 years ago

The winking owl wine is the icing on the cake. It costs around 3.50 a bottle at Aldi. I took a sample of it, the taste was a mixture of farts, dirty diapers, cat piss, and 3 day old garbage baking in Florida sun.

1

Lobenz

3 years ago

https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/cd96c1f1-12d2-4747-8727-136feacc232c/gif#OK0k529h.copy

1

itsmelledkindofweird

3 years ago

Should have put the black beans up front. Never leave the black beans in the back!

1

anonymoswhisper

3 years ago

It’s from Aldi, that oily hoe. Probably about $7 dollars of cheese. Now the meats - that’s the splurge

105

jibclash

3 years ago

Aldi does have a legit good selection of cheese though. That platter would cost at most $10 if bought at Aldi though.

6

[deleted]

3 years ago

Lying ass that ain't no 300 dollars worth of cheeses.

That's why he left your ass. Always lying.

With your 10$ worth of cheese having ass.

770

PurpleSunCraze

3 years ago

If pimped out Lunchables can’t save love what chance do the rest of us have?

60

Covidkiller83

3 years ago

I’m too high for this

16

The-Waffle-Man

3 years ago

Actually tho. Like this is $15 at most lol.

155

[deleted]

3 years ago

FR though, this woman is a liar.

She said a cast iron pan essentially turned his foot to "bone dust"????

She couldn't even try to buy him a nice gouda?? Just this sorry ass lunchable and then lie about it.

Hell fucking no.

127

Lovely_Louise

3 years ago

Didn't even cut the strawberries smdh

35

J-man-Big

3 years ago

Sh*t bruh

12

Catseyes77

3 years ago

I think LuciusDickusMaximus is a dude. A very cheap, lying dude.

It's stupid to try and fix a relationship with cheese. Everyone knows you do it with chocolate fondue.

9

[deleted]

3 years ago

He has never even tasted a decent cheese. Fucking peasant...

6

Catseyes77

3 years ago

Didn't even get Dijon mustard.

2

Ilovegirlsbottoms

3 years ago

I was looking for any reason this could be $300. Then I thought, maybe it’s the wine!

So of course I look up the price and… it’s like $3.00.

I think maybe they added one to many zeroes, and the whole thing cost $30. A much more reasonable price for all this.

12

dangermouseman11

3 years ago

Aldi.

5

IamtryigOKAY

3 years ago

🤣

6

zachattack1901

3 years ago

Maybe he/she valued their own time in preparation at $700/hr

3

Call-me-Maverick

3 years ago

Lmaooo

2

redsee83

3 years ago

Amazing

1

QualityKoalaTeacher

3 years ago

$300 worth of cheeses

I drove by an Erewhon once

171

[deleted]

3 years ago

It’s actually an Aldi cheese platter 😂

69

J-man-Big

3 years ago

🤣🤣🤣🤡

5

Lanerpaner

3 years ago

I think winking owl wine costs $3.50? Maybe OP spent 13.50? That is easy enough to confuse with 300 dollars. I too often find that confusing. Not sure how money works sometimes.

6

Sjporter1

3 years ago

Eat it

18

toinfinitiandbeyond

3 years ago

Just eat it

7

enehar

3 years ago

Why you always such a stumpy old bitch?

Don't want no meat and cheese, no Charcuterie dish...

Poor kids are going hungry, lying dead in a ditch so

Eat it.

6

cgduncan

3 years ago

If you are ever in a situation where you think any amount of cheese is going to fix a "doomed" relationship, you're already too far gone.

21

slightlyassholic

3 years ago

Now hang on.

If it was actually three hundred dollars of good cheese, we can at least talk.

7

YourAverageDad44

3 years ago

I’m sorry but this made me feel better about my shitty day lol thank you for your sacrifice. I hope things turn around for you.

1

Substantial-Cup6943

3 years ago

She spent 30 bucks at most, that shit is straight from aldis, I used to work there and the cheese pack she has it at max 10 bucks, the extra 20 is for crackers, grapes and meats too. The wine I’m not so sure but damn well ain’t a 270 dollar bottle

6

coolbeansdano

3 years ago

It's a 5$ at most bottle.

3

[deleted]

3 years ago

[deleted]

panthercow

3 years ago

Cringe alert cringe alert cringe alert

8

superjeffbridges

3 years ago

The fedora in the avatar makes it 😂

0

Lovely_Louise

3 years ago

Just gotta make sure to wear your steel toes in the house

1