Whenever my friend offers to pay for dinner I always get the most expensive item on the menu, even if I don't want it

To preface this, I'm sterile. When I was 12, I tried to ride my bike with no seat and hit a huge pot hole, and... I'll spare you the details.

Fast forward to today. I'm a pretty cool guy so I have a pretty vast social circle. I love all my friends, but all of them have kids except for me, and I set up most of them with their spouses. On top of that, I always give them extremely good advice. I'm like a spiritual mentor of sorts. And what do I get out of it? Lonely nights in my bachelor pad.

I feel like my friends owe me an exorbitant amount for all I've done and all I've suffered. But since I don't want to sound like a dick, I can't ask for them to pay me back with money or gifts directly. Instead, I've created a secret "friendship tax" of sorts. This means whenever a friend invites me out to dinner and offers to pay, I order the most expensive item on the menu.

I've recently told a Tinder date about this and she called me an "asshole." Up to that point, I didn't know that this was considered rude, which is why I'm guessing it fits here. But that didn't change my stance. And you won't either, so don't try. I will get what's owed to me.