TIFU by thinking “bussy” meant “baby pussy”

I work at the local library, and over the past decade, as smartphones and laptops became the norm, our computer stations have gotten much less popular across all demographics except one: old men.

Now, if you’ve never met an old man, the one thing you should know is they have little to no shame. It’s commonplace for them to be looking at leaked celebrity nudes in full view of the library staff and patrons. We usually let it slide unless they are watching full on porn.

But yesterday, there was this one old geezer, a balding wrinkly fella who looked ready to give up the ghost at any moment. I clocked him as suspicious the moment he walked in, and he was moaning and rubbing his belly in this strange circular motion. I made sure to keep an eye on him, and sure enough, he headed straight to the computers.

I kept keeping tabs on him over the first hour; all he was doing was typing furiously in this geriatric search-and-peck method. But around 2 o’clock, he hobbled over to the printer, grabbed some paper and headed to the bathroom. At that moment, I knew we had a masturbator.

Curiosity overwhelmed me, so I headed to the printer and checked the file name of what he had just printed. I gasped as I saw the name: “bussy.jpg.” This is where I fucked up. I assumed “bussy” was “baby pussy.” As in, this guy just printed out child porn on the library printer. Without double checking myself, I immediately phoned the coppers and informed them we had a criminal pedophile pleasuring himself in the library bathroom.

I felt proud as I saw the old man rough-housed and shoved into the back of a squad car. One of the officers even spit on him and said “Fuck you, pedophile.”

But as I told this story to a coworker who asked what happened, he burst out laughing. Apparently, bussy was a slang term for the male asshole, not… you know.

I turned red as I realized I had an old man apprehended simply for pleasuring himself to gay imagery. Especially during Pride Month. When I walked into work this morning, my coworkers chanted “homophobe” as I walked in….

TL;DR Library masturbator turned out to be gay, not a pedophile