First paragraph: so he’s a misogynist, but with nicer words.

Text exchange: you were already worried he was upset for NO REASON, felt like you needed to lie to him. You were right, he thinks checks notes listening to ASMR is cheating??

Third paragraph: he’s biphobic, possessive (no decent partner without massive jealousy issues thinks anyone is going to “steal” their partner from them)

Fourth paragraph; I’m not commenting further. No fucking need.

Why the FUCK are you putting up with any of this? Seriously, why?!?

Allowing or disallowing a partner to watch porn (even thought we’re not even talking about porn we’re talking about ASMR which makes it even sillier) is just a veiled act of control.

People act like it’s reasonable to get insecure when a partner watches porn (or in this case, ASMR) but let’s be real, they just want to control you.

I would end it now before his controlling side strikes again

ASMR isn’t cheating. Porn isn’t cheating.

They’re things that bother some people, and those people are entitled to their distaste. But that doesn’t make it cheating.

If your boyfriend is so bothered by who you are, why are you with him?

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Never sacrifice yourself for someone else's insecurities.

Ever.

Do you, and then find someone who loves that about you.

My boyfriend is one of those people who tends to be suspicious of "unorthodox," "femme" communities

Listen op... You can date who ever you want. But as a person who dated an insecure sexist man who went on to be incredibly abusive to me, weird misogyny is an absolute deal breaker for me. Dudes with weird misogynistic leanings are more work than they are worth to date.

Edit read the rest of the post: ah he's biphobic as well. So was my ex. Weird misogynistic men never change much from dude to dude do they?

Op you may love him, but he isn't going to get less annoying or weird until he deals with his own insecurities. You can't fix that. He has to want to. The fact that you feel you have to lie about watching YouTube of all things (not even including the NORMAL HUMAN ACTIVITY of masturbating to porn) is not a great sign that he is in the process of maturing.

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I always thought ASMR had a weirdly sexual/fetishy component, until I brought that up to my wife who enjoys ASMR . Turns out I just got onto the sexy stylist brushing ur hair or sexy hands whispering and stroking paper ones very early on and Youtube's algorithm just ran with it. I could have been watching people roll coffee beans around which sounds very pleasant. Instead, I got wet whispers and skin-crawling noises. Which I think means I do have the intended response, it just registers wrong with me, lol. Some of it is definitely fetish content, but others are more about companionship and the tingles, as I understand it now.

Either way: you better get ready to never look at another woman again if your boyfriend considers ASMR cheating. He is insecure and controlling, and you are in fact cheating according to him, both by watching porn and by watching ASMR videos. Though it sounds like you guys have never discussed this, so idk how you were supposed to know that or make an informed opinion about being with him if he was going to control your media consumption. I'm not going to say dump him, but if you're scared to answer what should be a harmless question honestly in your relationship (and it turns out you had good reason to be wary!), maybe you should consider if it's worth it to stay.

Edit: OP is fake af, or a time traveler.

Hi OP, is your boyfriend secretly my shitty ex boyfriend? The descriptor details don’t match, but the asshole energy sure does.

My ex genuinely believed if you thought other people were attractive, that was cheating.

I once said Daniel Radcliffe was cute. After that, I couldn’t watch a Harry Potter Movie without a fight.

I missed an opportunity to meet Katy Perry before she was super famous because of him . She was touring with Warped Tour right after I Kissed a Girl was a hit. Silly me had confessed previously to him that I was bi. Well we’re at the good ole’d Warped Tour and Katy Perry is sitting there at her booth, with no one coming up to her. She waved at me to come over and say hi for a picture. Well Mr. Napoleon complex couldn’t handle that and threw a temper tantrum and walked away so I had to follow.

Now not that I’m a HUGE Katy Perry fan, but it still would’ve been cool.

Our relationship ended when he grabbed my wrist so hard he bruised me because I tried to walk away from him while we were fighting.

These are just a couple examples from a much longer list. Moral of the story, don’t let insecure jabronis get you down.

You’re worth so much more than what he can offer you. Go live a life where you don’t have to walk on eggshells for being a normal functioning sexual human being.

Is this post real? Why go into detail about the type of porn you watch - literally no one needs to know that and it’s not relevant at all to your post.

This is a scenario where a white lie would be most appropriate. You can tell him “okay I won’t watch ASMR videos anymore” and then NOT MENTION THE PORN THING. He didn’t even ask about that.

Stop watching ASMR videos around him, or even talking about them. Watch them in private like you do your pornos.

Well, I can say everyone has their own boundaries. And this is a boundary he just set. You had two options.

1. Tell him you watch it and you don't see it as unfaithful.
2. Tell him you understand and stop. Instead of doing these you lied and he trusted you for telling the "truth".

If I was you I would ask him if there's others things he thinks are cheating. And you can mention porn.

I'm also taken for more than a year now and sometimes things come up that hurt us. We immediately talk things through and decide if its a new deal breaker. It works well for us. Maybe it helps.

And also, i don't think it's healthy that you watch porn everyday. You can get an addiction easily without noticing and maybe put porn above your partner. And how you talk about porn is also quite weird. But maybe I understand it wrong. Are you intimate with your partner? Or are you thinking that Sex takes to long and is exhausting? It could be the start of a big problem.